Barbie Loflin

When I was little girl my mother bought me a music box. It was an ordinary little white, flowery, square box that I presume most little girls had at one point or another in their childhood. When you opened the lid of the box a small spring-held ballerina would arise and begin her twirling dance.I loved that music box. For years I could hear the tune playing in the back of my soul.

The plinking notes did not capture me, but instead, the sound of my mother’s voice as she would wind the tiny box and begin the tucking in process…Around the world I searched for you…sheets blankets clean and crisp from hanging in the sunshine on our clothesline, now deftly drawn up to my chin; I traveled on when hope was gone…sides tucked in close, now safe and sound, the smell of ivory soap still clinging to her skin; I knew somewhere, sometime, somehow… hand upon my forehead, she’d push the crazy curls back and lean in and kiss me right between the eyes and smile… You would look at me, I’d see you smile… “I love you, Barbie.” She would turn, wind the box one more time, click off the light, and I would watch her chenille bathrobe clear the door frame as her house shoes patted down the hallway into the living room.

Though no longer in the room, still she remained; the touch, the aroma, the love, flowed through the song and dance of the ballerina and the toy tones of the inexpensive box.Around the world I searched for you…I was loved and comforted.

That phrase always made me feel wonderful on the inside. So wonderful, in fact, I would keep rewinding the music box until my mother would finally call out, “Last time, dear.” I truly believed my mom had chosen that music box specifically for me, and this was her way of letting me know she had longed for me all of her life. In those moments I felt unbelievably special. I mean, I must have been for her to say that she had searched the world for me.

Time after time in the lonely stillness of the night, I would slide the music box deep beneath my covers and wind the tiny key, releasing my mother’s love into the dark recesses of the room, Around the world I searched for you…, and I would close my eyes and rest.

Even today, the tune winds through my heart and tears halt just beneath the surface of this child-turned-woman’s eyes. But now, in my advancing years, a deeper, more profound voice has been added to the song. There is now a peaceful tucking that has nothing to do with blankets but everything to do with linen cloths. A leaning in and rustling that has nothing to do with childhood curls, but everything to do with my rebellious nature. A kiss that still hits between the eyes and goes straight to the heart.

In inky blackness and starry night He sings over me. Always about His ministrations, He hovers and covers and sees to my well being. His goodness and His constant song remind me that I am His and He absolutely did search the world for me.

And in this moment, the song continues… I feel unbelievably loved…and sought.